While I was pregnant, I was pretty diligent about keeping track of the status of my pregnancy. I would take countless bump photos, share my cravings and symptoms on Snapchat, and give updated blog posts on how baby was looking and how I was feeling.
But since baby has arrived, I have been pretty quiet about all things child related. Has it been intentional? To be honest, yes and no.
A big part of me was hesitant to portray that I was qualified to give parenting and baby advice. The fact is that I am a first time mom. With that comes questions, uncertainty, and winging it 101. Although I am actually the oldest of nine children, I still have never called the role of motherhood my own until now. But I have decided to break my silence and get honest and vulnerable about what this new journey has been like.
So here you go. This is what it has been like to be a new momma.
Amazing, overwhelming, exhausting, beautiful, heartbreaking, emotional, exceptional, heart wrenching, heart warming, uplifting, tear jerking, hilarious, devastating, unexplainable, and worth every single second.
Becoming a mom comes with many reservations.
Yes. I was and still am partly sleep deprived. There are days when my cute outfit lands a lovely pile of spit up. And a crying baby has given me a headache once or twice. It isn’t a secret that babies change you. But here is the thing.
I can’t tell you how many times I heard phrases like, “Never have kids.” or “Don’t let them out number you.” Even, “You should wait a long time before having children because once you do, your life is over.” Those comments make my blood boil.
Because first and foremost, we do not know another person’s story. We do not hold the pen to their life and dictate what is the perfect outcome for them. Our words have impact on each other. And the truth is, those comments couldn’t be farther from the truth for my family and I. I could have listened. Maybe according to some, I should have listened. Many think I have no business having a child at 25. But guess what? I have never been more amazed with the beauty in life at any other time more then I am now.
I am crazy about my child. Oliver has brought me more joy and fulfillment than I could have ever imagined. He has changed me so much that going back to work and leaving him after my maternity leave was up, almost broke me in half.
And the funny thing was I was the queen of phrases like, “I can’t imagine only being a stay at home mom.” or “I don’t understand the rush in jumping into motherhood.”
I now have so much respect for any and ALL mothers. In these short few months, I have experienced what it is like to be a stay at home mom, working mom with a nanny, and a working mom with a baby in daycare. I truly feel the sacrifices of all options. Because the truth is being a mom is a little heartbreaking no matter what way you spin it. I have never known such love before him. And I have never known such pain before him. Leaving him on a daily basis hurts me. But I also know how difficult it is to constantly be on “mom duty” without anyone to relieve you. It is all just hard. But it’s hard because it is SO GOOD.
It is hard because my heart has never been so full of joy and fulfillment. Or because the way he looks and smiles at me makes me feel like I could burst with happiness. Because being a mom is more beautiful and amazing than I could have ever dreamed. People say it is worth the sacrifices because it ACTUALLY is.
This is what my journey on this new road of parenting has looked like. A roller coaster. But even though the swirls and spirals of the tracks might seem huge and scary, they are well worth the thrill of the ride.
What are your real thoughts on motherhood. Are you hesitant to jump in? Scared of the responsibility? Tired of your toddler drawing on your walls? Share your journey. I would love to read your honest thoughts.
And to all my mommies, you are beautiful, amazing, hardworking, and a total rockstar. Love yourself because you are doing amazing at this.
Thanks for reading.